PLEASE HELP -- NEED ADVICE PLEASE!!!!

krazypoetic · Sixth Man Joined: 22 Feb 2006 Posts: 73

Hey everyone... I am 25 years old and I have been a Laker fan since I was 3-4 years old... but this is not about the Lakers.... I need advice from people who are not bias... I am at a cross roads in my life right now... please help me from one laker fan to another... Here is my situation:

How do I get my mom to accept my boyfriend PLEASE HELP!?
I have been dating my boyfriend for three years now. He loves me dearly, would do anything for me, and would give up any and everything for me. He is a really good guy. I can't say anything bad about him. He has a good future ahead of him... and he has already told me that he wants to be with me for the rest of his life. There is one problem: my boyfriend is not the same ethnicity as I am and my mother refuses to meet him because of this (after three years). We have been dating three years now and this has always been our biggest problem. I love him so much and I dont want to give him up but my mom refuses to meet him and I am scared to death that my mom wont come to my wedding day if we were ever to get married or be a part of my family with him. The rest of my family and friends have met him and they all like him a lot. He cherishes me and I can truly see myself with him raising a family, but I cant get my mom to meet him. I have fought with her about it hundreds of times and I dont know what to do... please help!!! Please this is really, really serious to me... I need serious advice... please help...

ocho · Retired Number Joined: 24 May 2005 Posts: 54455

no offense but your mother sounds quite biggoted and if she can't accept your lifestyle choices....tough luck for her.

you have to do what's best for you, and it dosn't sound like your mother is going to accept him until she decides she wants to. nothing you can really do it sounds like it's out of your hands.

i think she'll come around when she realizes that she isn't going to have a relationship with you or your potential family if she doesn't change her narrow minded ways.
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NappyFox · Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 5:53 pm Post subject:

Drop the guy like a bad habit. If your mom doesnt approve of his race then he can't be good for you. :roll:

chef

mbloves L.A. · Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 6:37 pm Post subject:

Are you a dude, because that could be a problem. If you are a chick, then are you hot? If you are, then is your BF ugly? I had this happen with my family. My sister is still dating a dude, and he is Mexican. My mom doesn't approve, although neither do I and I met him, but she was willing to break all contact with us for him. Your case is just that your mom is really messed up. God I wanna crack a joke like crazy now, something to the extent of setting the house on fire and having your BF save her perhaps could buy a few minutes for an interview with your mom, but then again we are being serious.

You will just have to go on with your life without her approval, since everyone else likes him, especially your dad. She will come about, by the second child. Getting philosophical with her won't work, trust me. If you really love him then your moms biases, especially those based on race, shouldn't have an effect. Goo luck.
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Canadian Laker · Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 7:39 pm Post subject:

Ask your mom this simple question:

Would she want you to be in a relationship with someone who was physically and verbally abusive towards you every day but is of an approved ethnicity or would she rather choose this person you are with who seems to be good to you but is not of an approved ethnicity?

If she loves you unconditionally then she will choose the latter, at which point you simply ask her to give your boyfriend an honest chance. Tell her you don't want to make her accept your boyfriend, only to allow him the opportunity to prove to your mom that he is good to you.

And if your boyfriend gets that shot then he'd better not screw up!

I hope that helps.

Canadian Laker · Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 7:39 pm Post subject:

Ask your mom this simple question:

Would she want you to be in a relationship with someone who was physically and verbally abusive towards you every day but is of an approved ethnicity or would she rather choose this person you are with who seems to be good to you but is not of an approved ethnicity?

If she loves you unconditionally then she will choose the latter, at which point you simply ask her to give your boyfriend an honest chance. Tell her you don't want to make her accept your boyfriend, only to allow him the opportunity to prove to your mom that he is good to you.

And if your boyfriend gets that shot then he'd better not screw up!

I hope that helps.

Canadian Laker · Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 7:40 pm Post subject:

Ask your mom this simple question:

Would she want you to be in a relationship with someone who was physically and verbally abusive towards you every day but is of an approved ethnicity or would she rather choose this person you are with who seems to be good to you but is not of an approved ethnicity?

If she loves you unconditionally then she will choose the latter, at which point you simply ask her to give your boyfriend an honest chance. Tell her you don't want to make her accept your boyfriend, only to allow him the opportunity to prove to your mom that he is good to you.

And if your boyfriend gets that shot then he'd better not screw up!

I hope that helps.

angrypuppy · Retired Number Joined: 13 Apr 2001 Posts: 32784

20,000 · Posted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 7:31 am Post subject:

I've had this experience, also from the other side, with the girl's parents wondering if a hispanic would be OK for their daughter. Disgusted me.

If you are at a point where you can't face up to your mom, are you at a point where you can make a decision about getting married? I can understand parental approval is very important, but eventually you will have to make your own life, create your own family, and worry about your own happiness. It is on your mom to accept this, not you. You've made the offering, now she has to accept it. The more you struggle with her approval, the more she will know what kind of power she holds over you.

Like others have said, go on with your life. Don't ask your mom to accept it, but don't be ashamed of it. Be proud of it. Always say "Bob and I did this." Or "Bob did the nicest thing for me the other day."

However, don't use the name Bob if that isn't your boyfriend's name.

If you still need to push this, have your other family members speak on his and your behalf. Do you have an aunt that has some sway?

Again, don't beat it into your mom, because she will just get more stubborn about it. Just gently keep bringing up how great of a guy he is.

If your mom still never approves, then it is her loss for she will have missed out on meeting a wonderful guy.

And it will be your gain for sticking with a wonderful guy and not giving him up because your mom is acting the child.
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Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying...'I will try again tomorrow.'

brutella · Star Player Joined: 05 Jul 2006 Posts: 2827 Location: OC

F Snaq · Posted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 10:28 am Post subject:

Nudizl_Forshizl · Starting Rotation Joined: 23 May 2004 Posts: 974

a wedding is only a big party planned for many months in advance. if she doesn't want to go, its a good excuse to elope and spend the money on a bad ass honeymoon or something else like a down payment.

live your life for you and your man. i know you love your mom (you must if you put up with her ignorant crap), but really, this is all about you. its not the time to be catering to anybody else.

LuxuryBrown · Posted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 1:17 pm Post subject:

It's pretty simple once you break it down to its core...

What would make YOU HAPPIEST?:

1 - Marrying the man of YOUR dreams for YOUR happiness?

2 - Your MOM's happiness due to the fact that YOU'RE UNHAPPY without the man of your dreams?

Pretty obvious now, ain't it?

In life, it's imperative that you make sure yourself is happy first. Because if you're not happy, how can you bestow happiness onto anyone else?

And to be real, if your mom doesn't want to see you happy, then that just speaks volumes about how messed up in the head she is.
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Socks · Posted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 1:25 pm Post subject:

Been through this multiple times on both sides of the fence.

You gotta do what's best for you, blah blah blah, like everyone else on this thread has said. They're right. If your mom holds a grudge like my mom does, it may take her years to thaw, but she will.

The one thing I'll add is that you gotta start thinking about precedents. If you let your mom run your life on this, where does the line get drawn? Next she'll be telling you where you can or can't live, what kind of job you can have, and what to name your kids. Take a stand now and let her know you run your own life.

JerryMagicKobe · Moderator Joined: 28 Jul 2005 Posts: 15100

What's the rest of the story? How could she refuse to meet him? Have you brought him to her house unannounced just to talk? Has she restricted communication with YOU during this period of time? Is she overly religous or fanatical about other things or just him (or his race)? Were you surprised, or is part of the attraction to him that you can hurt her or try to change her? Do you have siblings and what are there experinces with your mother if they date othe races? Why are you "scared to death" that she won't attend your wedding? Would your mother refuse to meet her grandchildren? Where is your father in all of this?

ArrOhBee · Posted: Fri Dec 15, 2006 1:11 am Post subject:

to be able to make a comment. i would need to know the races of you and ur boyfriend.

thank you

this is the great negrodaumas
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JerryMagicKobe · Moderator Joined: 28 Jul 2005 Posts: 15100

Is Kramer your mom?

The Dagger · Posted: Fri Dec 15, 2006 9:00 am Post subject:

This is very simple. Don't make it difficult. Your Mother will do everything in her power to prevent this love affair from prospering. She will only give in if you marry him. Then she will have no choice but to accept him. I've seen this happen a million times. Good luck.

vvbandit

Addicus

frijolero01 · Franchise Player Joined: 10 May 2005 Posts: 13324

jesus what year is it? anyway, just like psydesho said, you are in control of what makes you happy. Unfortunately, if that includes your own mother out of the picture then so be it. Sorry, i know she's your mother but she is being very selfish about the situation. She is not putting herself in your shoes. If she only wants what makes you happy then none of this would be happening. You are old enough now to start worrying about your own life and family (if you decide to have one). Just know that your happiness is very important to you and should be important to your mother as well. Im a beaner who's been dating a white woman for a couple of years and sometimes I think my family likes her more than me

.
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Addicus · Posted: Fri Dec 15, 2006 5:33 pm Post subject:

LuxuryBrown · Posted: Fri Dec 15, 2006 6:55 pm Post subject:

Addicus · Posted: Sat Dec 16, 2006 12:36 am Post subject: