unleasHell Franchise Player
Joined: 16 Apr 2001 Posts: 11591 Location: Stay Thirsty my Friends
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Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2020 10:30 am Post subject: Who's On Bass? (Parody of Who's on First) |
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Sorry, it's kinda long, I copied the original bit and substituted a "Band" theme for the "Baseball" theme. Not sure how funny it is, but here goes:
Abbott: Well Costello, I'm going to New York, I was hired to manage a new band and you can come along.
Costello: Look Abbott, if you're the Manger, you must know all the players in the band?
Abbott: I certainly do.
Costello: Well, since I've never met the guys, you'll have to tell me their names, so I'll know who's in the band.
Abbott: Ok, I'll tell you their names, but you know musicians now-a-days very peculiar names.
Costello: You mean funny names?
Abbott: Strange names, nick names, pet names...like Axl, Iggy, Gaga, Flea,
Costello: Does he have a brother named Fly?
Abbott:. No, well, let's see, we have the following lineup: Who's on Bass, What's on Guitar, I Don't Know is on Drums...
Costello: That's what I want to find out.
Abbott: I say Who's on Bass, What's on Guitar, I Don't Know's on Drums.
Costello: Are you the manager?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: You gonna book the gigs too?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: And you don't know the fellows' names?
Abbott: Well I should.
Costello: Well, then who's on Bass?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: I mean the fellow's name.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy on Bass.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The Bass player.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy playing...
Abbott: Who is on Bass!
Costello: I'm asking YOU who's on Bass?
Abbott: That's the man's name.
Costello: That's Who's name?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: That's it.
Costello: That's Who?
Abbott: Yes.
PAUSE
Costello: Look, you gotta Bass player?
Abbott: Certainly.
Costello: Who's playing Bass?
Abbott: That's right.
Costello: When you pay Bass player every month, Who gets the money?
Abbott: Every dollar of it.
Costello: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on Bass.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy that gets...
Abbott: That's it.
Costello: Who gets the money...
Abbott: Every dollar of it, although sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
Costello: Who's wife?
Abbott: Yes.
PAUSE
Abbott: What's wrong with that?
Costello: Look, all I wanna know is when you signed the Bass player, how does he sign his name?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: How does he sign...
Abbott: That's how he signs it.
Costello: Who?
Abbott: Yes.
PAUSE
Costello: All I'm trying to find out is What's the guy's name on Bass.
Abbott: No. What's on Guitar.
Costello: I'm not asking you who's on Guitar.
Abbott: Who's on Bass.
Costello: One guy at a time!
Abbott: Well, don't change the band around.
Costello: I'm not changing nobody!
Abbott: Take it easy, buddy.
Costello: I'm only asking you, who's the guy on Bass?
Abbott: That's right.
Costello: Ok.
Abbott: All right.
PAUSE
Costello: What's the guy's name on Bass?
Abbott: No. What is on Guitar.
Costello: I'm not asking you who's on Guitar.
Abbott: Who's on Bass.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott: He's on Drums! But you weren't talking about him.
Costello: Now how did I get to Drums?
Abbott: Why you mentioned his name.
Costello: If I mentioned the Drummer’s name, who did I say is playing Bass?
Abbott: Who is playing Bass.
Costello: What's the guys' name on Bass?
Abbott: What's on Guitar.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott: He's on Drums.
Costello: There I go, back to Drums again!
PAUSE
Costello: Would you just stay on Drums and don't go off it.
Abbott: All right, what do you want to know?
Costello: Now who's playing Drums?
Abbott: Why do you insist on putting Who on Drums?
Costello: What am I putting on Drums.
Abbott: No, what is on Guitar.
Costello: You don't want Who on Guitar?
Abbott: Who is on Bass.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott & Costello Together: Drums!
PAUSE
Costello: Look, you got others in the band?
Abbott: Sure.
Costello: The Keyboard player's name?
Abbott: Why.
Costello: I just thought I'd ask you.
Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.
Costello: Then tell me who's playing Keyboards.
Abbott: Who's playing Bass.
Costello: I want to know what's the guy's name in Keyboards?
Abbott: No, What is on Guitar.
Costello: I'm not asking you who's on Guitar.
Abbott: Who's on Bass.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott & Costello Together: Drums!
PAUSE
Costello: The Keyboard player's name?
Abbott: Why.
Costello: Because!
Abbott: Oh, he's on Saxophone.
PAUSE
Costello: Look, You gotta Violin player in the band?
Abbott: Sure.
Costello: The Violin player’s name?
Abbott: Tomorrow.
Costello: You don't want to tell me today?
Abbott: I'm telling you now.
Costello: Then go ahead.
Abbott: Tomorrow!
Costello: What time?
Abbott: What time what?
Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who is playing Violin?
Abbott: Now listen. Who is not playing Violin.
Costello: I'll break your arm, you say who's on Bass! I want to know what's the Violinist’s name?
Abbott: What's on Guitar.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott & Costello Together: Drums!
PAUSE
Costello: Gotta a Flute player?
Abbott: Certainly.
Costello: The Flute payer's name?
Abbott: Today.
Costello: Today, and tomorrow's on Violin.
Abbott: Now you've got it.
Costello: All we got is a couple of days in the band!
PAUSE
Costello: You know I play Flute too.
Abbott: I know that.
Costello: So, if we are on stage performing and I’m playing Flute, Tomorrow's on Violin. And the Bass player drops his hat, and I pick it up and want to return it to him, so I give it to Who?
Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right.
Costello: I don't even know what I'm talking about!
PAUSE
Abbott: That's all you have to do.
Costello: Is to give the hat to Who?
Abbott: Yes!
Costello: Now Who's got it?
Abbott: Naturally.
PAUSE
Costello: Look, if I return the hat, somebody's gotta have it. Now Who has it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Who?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Naturally?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: So I pick up that hat and give it to Naturally.
Abbott: No you don't, you give it to Who.
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: That's different.
Costello: That's what I said!
Abbott: You're not saying it right.
Costello: I give the hat to Naturally.
Abbott: No, you give it to Who.
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: That's it.
Costello: That's what I said!
Abbott: You ask me.
Costello: I give the hat to Who?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Now you ask me.
Abbott: You give the hat to Who?
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: No, you give it to....
Costello: Same as you! Same as YOU! I give the hat to Who! Why? I don't know! He's on Drums and I don't give a dam!
Abbott: What?
Costello: I said I don't give a dam!
Abbott: Oh, he’s our Sitar player…! _________________ “Always remember... Rumors are carried by haters, spread by fools, and accepted by idiots.” |
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