Playground ball. Which type of players do you hate the most?

akbroker · Starting Rotation Joined: 14 Dec 2010 Posts: 985

my top five in no particular order

1. the cherry picker: no need to elaborate much. feels he's the best player on the court when most of his points come from uncontested layups on a deserted lane.
2. the and1 wiz: the dude with a variety of and1 moves but doesn't have the ability to consistently score and finish. stalls the game to a crawl.
3. the point guard: he wants the ball in every possession. he is that dude you see constantly overdribbling the basketball, but rarely finding the open man or making the correct play. he also tends to rack up a lot of turnovers.
4. the coach: the loudest and most obnoxious person on the court. constantly harasses his teammates, telling them what to do/what not to do. calls out plays and points out each and every mistake made. also compliments both teammates and opponents when they make a good play. he is usually the oldest and slowest person on the court.
5. the center point: the dude with a significant height advantage who demands that he push the ball in transition. he absolutely hates posting up, doesn't care about both defense and rebounding. but he loves camping at the three point line. he will rain bricks from the arc all day if you let him. he also can't dunk the ball while other dudes 6 inches shorter than him easily can.

aFFie · Starting Rotation Joined: 02 Jan 2006 Posts: 783

which one are you?

akbroker · Starting Rotation Joined: 14 Dec 2010 Posts: 985

i don't hate myself. it seems though that you're one of the five listed

C M B · Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2012 12:28 am Post subject:

1.) The High Expector

The player who is more athletic and talented than most players on the court and has extensive experience playing organized ball, but has ZERO tolerance for non-regular/inexperienced players who can't catch 250mph bounce passes or knock down open jumpshots like you're f'ing Dell Curry. This player feels like every possession is for the NBA championship and is keeping a Nazi eye on every mistake you make and will let you hear about it via slapping his hands together and whining: "aw come OWN dawg, how you missed dat?" You are an inconvenience to this player. He's pissed that you ended up on his team. After your team loses and the other team asks "Wanna run it back?", he exclaims "Aw HELL naw we need to switch up these teams!" despite only losing by only 1 point, which was the game winning basket that he failed to cover. Losing wasn't his fault; it was your fault. This player typically took the bus to get to the court. Almost winning a game was the highlight of his day.

2.) The Snoot

This guy is of the same blood as the High Expector, but is not obnoxious in his pomposity. When there is an even number of players on the court shooting around and he is asked "You wanna run?", he examines you and the other players and a.) determines that he is too far above the level of competition and declines the invitation and insists that he just wants to shoot around on his basket, even if it means leaving the total of available players at 9 thus destroying the possibility of playing a full-court game once a 10th player actually arrives or b.) accepts the invitation to play not out of eagerness to play but out of annoyance and the resignation that he has to play with chumps like you..."I guess...Imma change mah shoes though." The snoot usually has another, newer and more expensive pair of shoes in a bag somewhere that he will change into to signify that everything he was doing before reluctantly playing with you was just child's play. Much like the High Expector, he does not have reliable transportation or a steady job.

3.) Asian Stephon Marbury

This player is well-dressed for the game: Great shoes, shorts that go down to his ankles, compression tights, sweatband (worn above the elbow), upper arm tattoo. He's fast and quick. But he's 5'2", shoots the ball like he's Sasha Vujacic in practice, but only hits like Sasha Vujacic during gametime. Thinks he can dribble the ball like Pistol Pete in the 70s but his actual ball handling makes him less effective than Pistol Pete circa 2012. Has reliable transportation, but will probably drive to a Bikini Coffee Bar or Sam Woo's BBQ after the court lights turn off.

4.) Mr. Up Top

This player is hated by all other players on the court. Well-after possession has changed and you are dribbling the ball full speed to what you think should most certainly be a wide open layup, you take a glance behind you and notice that most of the other players are standing near the opposing basket with their backs turned to you and their hands resting on their hips. This is because Mr. Up Top has called yet another bogus foul causing a stoppage in play.

"BUT NOBODY TOUCHED YOU!!!!" cry the other players, in unison.

"Motha (bleep) I don't care what you say I called ball up top!"
_________________
http://chickhearn.ytmnd.com/

loslakersss · Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2012 12:36 am Post subject:

The black hole (mix of and1 and pg with no BBIQ)

As a guy who has a strength advantage over most people in the post, I find it extremely frustrating not to get the ball when I'm constantly fighting for post position. I hate all these dudes trying to go iso every damn possession.

Just yesterday I played and we lost the first game 11-6 when I wasn't getting touches offensively and kept watching them throwing up bricks. Then I tell them to feed me in the post for the second game. What happens? We start the game on a 7-0 run with me getting 5 dimes(passing out of the double) and 2 buckets. Amazing how simple it is but some people just have to be the "star" and forget that it's a team game.

loslakersss · Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2012 12:39 am Post subject:

akbroker · Starting Rotation Joined: 14 Dec 2010 Posts: 985

loslakersss · Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2012 1:00 am Post subject:

akbroker · Starting Rotation Joined: 14 Dec 2010 Posts: 985

akbroker · Starting Rotation Joined: 14 Dec 2010 Posts: 985

and the one player i absolutely love to play with is this short dude who everyone thinks has no game. but sometimes as an act of kindness (or often the need for numbers) they ask him if he wants to join. he willingly accepts and on the first fast break play, catches everyone by surprise. this dude who was practicing his set shots earlier, just shooting by himself with no fancy dribbling etc, actually plays similar to derrick rose.

and that's one thing i learned on the playground. that is to never judge a book by its cover. dudes who look like they can dunk between the legs, turn out to be terrible. while the quiet and unpretentious kid ends up schooling everyone.

Talking2ThaMoon · Starting Rotation Joined: 29 Jun 2012 Posts: 857

C M B · Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2012 3:59 am Post subject:

vanexelent · Retired Number Joined: 17 May 2005 Posts: 30081

"The Chick": either an old, leather-skinned lesbian, or a 20-something average looking girl who played in high school, that always hang around the guy's pickup game. They can't defend anyone. Guys take it easy on them. They always attempt at least 4 three-pointers. The old lesbo will talk alot too, giving pointers and calling anyone over the height of 6foot as "hey big guy".

"Muscle Dude": has absolutely no skill whatsoever, but is always in the lane aggressively boxing (read: undercutting) taller players. He loves to put his head down, elbows out and ram into anyone just to get the foul, making no attempt at shooting the ball. But, you can't say anything because he'll strangle you to death.

C M B · Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2012 4:41 am Post subject:

oldschool32 · Franchise Player Joined: 24 Jun 2005 Posts: 20032

The out of control guy that is most likely going to get someone hurt.
_________________
"It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up."-The Greatest

sickside323 · Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2012 5:00 am Post subject:

The Dirty Old Man: He is usually a late thirty-something with reasonable height. He most likely has some sort of knee or elbow wrap that he needs to wear due to thirty years of playing pickup ball. He's clearly past his prime and can't move like he used to so he has to resort to throwing elbows and taking guys out who are coming down the lane. He justifies his dirty play by telling everyone that he's old scool.

dont_be_a_wuss · Franchise Player Joined: 29 Mar 2012 Posts: 21458

Coach': The guy who is always wanting to huddle up and give out playing advice and draw plays.

doughboy90650 · Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2012 6:15 am Post subject:

The guy who talks the most (bleep) but misses every shot he throws up and then either looks at his hands or blows on them .......

The AND1 dribble, who dribbles fancy for 45 seconds only to shoot a jump that either hits just the backboard, someone's hands after they catch it or the ground.

The stiff that calls a charge. There's no damn charge calls in playground ball.

And my favorite, Mr. Attire. The guy that comes to play with named brand clothes but no name band game. Shows in in Jordan shoes, Jordan socks, Bulls 23 jersey and game should be placed in front of his house on trash day so the garbage man can pick it up ....... I usually play in a plain white t shirt, shorts and sneaks and kill these fools.

postandpivot · Retired Number Joined: 16 Sep 2003 Posts: 36822

XTN · Starting Rotation Joined: 17 Jun 2004 Posts: 925

Great topic. Where I used play ball we always associated playground types to NBA players.

Stockton and Malone
These two guys are usually related by blood. Through years of honing their skills in 2-on-2 basketball in their driveway and demolishing the neighborhood kids they have become a douchey tandem. Regardless if the game is 5-on-5 or if there are better players around these two schmucks they will only pass the ball to each other. They run nothing but pick and rolls for each other as well. In fact, even if you split them up on different teams they still expect teammates to run pick and rolls for them.

Kobe
Don't get me wrong I love Kobe. However, there's always a guy who was the man on their high school basketball team and on the blacktop they expect the same attention. Don't pass the ball to this guy because you won't get it back. The only time he passes out is so he can reset. He takes tons of jump shots even if he's stone cold. He'll lead the team in scoring but only because no one else gets to shoot.

Rambis
This guy has a good attitude and is friendly to everyone on the court. Unfortunately, he has (bleep) for basketball skills but he has a ton of heart and hustle. He'll travel, double dribble, and foul on every possession. If he wasn't such a nice guy most people would talk (bleep) but instead they let his turnovers go because they feel kind of bad for him.

Garnett
This type of player is overly enthusiastic on court. They yell after every rebound and chest thump if they hit a put back. They talk (bleep) to the smallest guy on the court as well.

Dwayne Wade
The type that I personally find despicable. The guy has some skill but has a tendency to attack the rim like a runaway freight train. He doesn't get touched but will somehow still hit the ground and call a foul. In fact, he'll still somehow hit the pavement even after shooting a jumpshot. If he doesn't make the shot you can count on him calling a foul for the bail out. When he does get legitimately fouled he acts like he got hammered with a flagrant 2. The worst part is after the real foul he needs to take an injury timeout. His recuperation includes but is not limited to stretching out the part that got hit while wincing, taking a short stroll and wincing with each step, laying on the floor wincing in agony.

Conker · Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2012 7:56 am Post subject:

The No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service Guy.

The little Mexicans/Guatemalans that everyone underestimate. Good teamwork and hustle but dirty players. Warning, you might leave with scratches and an ass-whooping.

The One Who Dribbles With Jean Shorts On With No Belt.

The Overweight Kid. Just stands there doing nothing and doesn't bother running to the other side of the court.
_________________
(❍ᴥ❍ʋ) ʕʘᴥʘʔ (⌐ ͡■ ͜ʖ ͡■) (┛◉Д◉)┛( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ༼;´༎ຶ ۝ ༎ຶ༽

rwongega · Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2012 8:00 am Post subject:

The Complainer - Criticizes the The High Expector, The Snoot, Asian Stephon Marbury, Mr. Up Top, and everyone else on the court. Eventually grabs the ball mid-game and runs home in a huff. Even when it's not his ball.

RMurphy_22 · Star Player Joined: 27 May 2005 Posts: 4193

At my age I'm parts #4 & #5, oh well. The pickup game changes as you get older and your life has more responsibilities (like work). Can't be jumping in the lane and going hard after loose balls to risk injury.

BTW, most guys who create a list like this aren't half as good as they think they are...
_________________
Back to Back Yeah, Yeah...and you know that!
- Magic

Talking2ThaMoon · Starting Rotation Joined: 29 Jun 2012 Posts: 857

rwongega · Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2012 8:08 am Post subject: